standyby::east reporting::standby

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our program of dance music to bring you a special bulletin from the Intercontinental Radio News. At twenty minutes before eight, central time, Professor Farrell of the Mount Jennings Observatory, Cockenzie, reports observing several explosions of incandescent beer, occurring at regular intervals on the planet Mars. The spectroscope indicates the beer to be SNPA and moving towards the east of Scotland with enormous velocity.


Professor Pierson of the Observatory at Prestonpans confirms Farrell's observation, and describes the phenomenon as (quote) like a jet of green flame shot from a gun (unquote).

The beer appears to have landed at Cornelius at the top of Easter Road in Edinburgh. The projectile landed from the west and spun south towards the selection of fine bottled beers by the fridges. Professor Farrell reports that final price at the time is unconfirmed, possibly in the £1.56-£1.59 range. He hopes to have his Howmuchisthat-o-graph properly calibrated this weekend.

We now return you to the music of Ramón Raquello, playing for you in the Meridian Room of the Park Plaza Hotel, situated in downtown New York.